You know why they're wearing black? They're dressing for a god damn FUNERAL!

He's backkkkk.... the insatiable appetite for destruction (and for blogging) has been coursing through my veins since the last post, my fingertips literally itching at the thought of laying down some lines of truth on you suckas. Just a few topics to spit about this evening, but some good ones I think. And. Here. We. Go.

Oden, get healthy quickly or I'll start calling you Sam Bowie 2.0. I guess you can't expect someone who is seven feet tall by age 12 to hold up physically their whole lives, but could you at least give us a few games before you go down? Are you the spawn of satan? The frontcourt for the Blazers is Longggggggg when you are in the rotation (killer link, huh). We need you, the West is deep, even with Allen "You talkin' bout PRACTICE?!?!" Iverson departing down the long, depressing road to Detroit. I don't claim to know basketball, say, as well as this guy, but I know one thing: every championship team has a dominant big man. It's who you build a franchise around, and if it's not G.O. time, let us know now so we can scour Europe for some soft player named Pau or Dirk.

That Iverson link led me down the long, but not depressing, road of postgame rants. Check this, this, and this, and with God as my witness you won't be disappointed.

The Ducks, the Ducks, the Ducks. 44 yards passing. Most teams have a 44 yard pass a game. The fact that a deep route hasn't been called once this year, not even on a goof, is perturbing. What's more disappointing though is that MATT EVANSEN is still the NUMBER ONE on the DEPTH CHART. His fall to mediocrity, nay, horrib-ility is remarkable. 57%? In 9 games? What do you want Belotti, before you sit him down? 40%? 30%? How many momentum killers does a fan have to witness before something is changed? This guy hasn't choked as bad as Evansen has this year. And this guy. That's saying something. Back to the point. Please Belotti, call a fly route 1 TIME. You don't even have to throw it deep. Just get the safeties out of the box so we can run the football. Annnd I won't say I told you so, just let the stats do the talking: In the first half against Cal, the "Golden Bitc--- Bears" were 6 of 12 on Third downs, and 1 for 1 on 4th and 14. 6 of 12, Alotti. Your retarded schemes will never cease to amaze me.

Why is Darron Thomas not playing again? We burned his redshirt for no apparent reason, in a game all but lost? Remind you of anyone? What a waste. It is understood here in 760 nation that the best QB in practice is the one who is starting in the games. It seems that Masoli has looked the best in practice, which is good. For him. And yet, in games, his production has ben at times adequate but for the most part unfitting of a Division II QB. He hasn't been playing quarterback, he's been playing direct snap RB. So, obviously, the critera of "whoever looks best in practice during the week will start, and play, regardless of how dismal their stat line is" doesn't work. Darron Thomas came in, against a prevent D, designed not to let the other team score, dropping 8 men into coverage, and threw for 215 yards and 3 scores. In a quarter. Cal essentially ran a prevent defense for the entire game, dropping 8 men into coverage. Masoli's stats? 44 yards. Why not give DT a shot? The Ducks are bowl eligible, and are playing the next two games in the friendly confines. Otherwise, this lack in long term coaching judgement will be the worst since, well, DD.

Finally got ourselves an African-American president. Now the question is, can we get African-Americans to play baseball instead of Basketball and Football? Yes We Can. I hope. The game is losing it's Griffeys, it's Loftons, it's Robinsons, it's Jordans even (1. Lofton = favorite player, all time. 2. I guess the game could lose it's Jordans without anyone caring. What a novelty... but, ) Something to think about.

Seen Michael Dunigan? If you haven't, don't worry, he'll be dunking on your favorite player in the near future.

That's all for now; as my life spirals into an abyss of trampoline jumping, eating, and trying to figure out why Legendary setting on FIFA 09 is so god damn difficult, I'll try to put aside some precious time to keep this blog alive. PEACE, world.

Ain't no shame, shake what yo momma gave ya

Phillies in 6. I said it before, I'll say it just one more time so Reed doesn't get pissed off: Rays win game 5, Phillies, and Brett Myers, take it at the Trop.

The Chargers are ridiculous. Good pass rush = zone defense with a lot of interceptions, pass deflections, and a solid run defense.

Bad pass rush = 5+ seconds to throw, holes in the zone, and 350 hung up every week.

Solution: Blitz, you retard. Get to the QB, so he doesn't have time to pick apart your bend but don't break zone.

Like dancing?? You'll be ecstatic to know V Dub is back, and he'll be dropping dance tunes into your brain in about a month or so. Keep a look out for the new EP, tentatively titled the "clean up that blood you spilled all over the bathroom floor, you cheap dirty hooker" EP. The single, now available here, will soon be accompanied by a video, which you can't find anywhere until I tell you where it is. Bitches.

stupid hawaiians

shane victorino is an idiot jackass. he says stupid things to upper classmen like sweet raffy furcal. mind your business hawaiian scumbag and don't say things to the other team that may upset them to the point of tears (possibly). if ryan howard gets mvp, its by default and its hogwash. he's just like every other fat power hitter, he strikes out a lot and has a low avg. he's also postseason trash. i don't think chase utley speaks. pat burrell is slow. and victorino is still pig feces. throw at my spam body, not my spam head. russell didn't get that luxury when they threw at his head. here's to the devil rays being the only fun team left in the postseason.

and that's about the time that bitch hung up on me.

Couldn't stay away. Had to spill a few lines about FIFA 09. This is possibly the greatest game, ever. I don't want to hear "oh, Mario blah blah" or "whatever, World of Warcraft is blah blah blah..." Mario is weak and WOW is for pussies. This game is amazing. Take the header animations for example. Freaking sweet. There are like 60 different goal celebrations you can do!! I will destroy anyone playing as the LA Galaxy, baby. I feel like my life has a little more purpose after playing this game. At least I have something to do for the next few days.

Congrats to Philly for making it to the Big, Big Show... and to the 3 people who picked them to win the World Series in Vegas, your 65-1 odds are still holding up. Thought the Trolley Dodgers embarrassed themselves tonight. I'll call it right now: Shane Victorino, World Series MVP, which would mean for the second time in 4 years, in a league where the home run is king, 2 guys who weigh probably a combined 300 pounds will be WS MVP. Amazing. Go Rays, what a great pitching matchup those games would be.

Tony Romo is baller. So is this kid. It's weird, the fact I'll never, never be able to do the things a 5 year old kid is doing with such ease doesn't bother me one bit. I'd still shut him down inside, block everything he throws up, and rain 3's in his face all day long. At least, until he turns 6.

Man FIFA 09 is so sweet. Graphics are incredible. Thank you God.

My buddy told me even though the Oklahoma City Thunder have a permanent name, to him they will always be the Oklahoma City Bombers. Ouch. But I don't believe in "too soon", so good get Reed. That's Reed Kilmer, everyone, making insensitive jokes. Man, awkward for him. It's hotter than the inside of a Spanish Airliner in here...

All for now. Peace Homies.

V Dub is back!

I know you all have missed me. I too have grown tired of the chumps bombasting this blog with wisps of clarity but only minute occurrences of rationale. French for rational, I would assume. Guess not.


Let's talk Duck football for a minute. Attending every football game this year except the ones against We-Swear-He's-Heisman-Worthy Curtis Painter and Purdue, and God-We-Wish-We-Played-In-The-WAC Washington State, V Dub has seen a few things. There are things V Dub likes, and things V Dub doesn't like.

Things V Dub likes:

1. LeGarrette Blount. How could you not like this? Or this? Or this?? Yeah, Jeremiah Masoli will LIGHT YOU UP too. But back to the subject at hand... How did the Ducks score this guy? Didn't have the grades out of high school... commits to Auburn out of JC... decommits... kills defenders? Thank god for the city of Perry, Florida. This guy has the tools to be the next dominant NFL back. 6'2, 235, breakaway speed... remind you of anyone? Now imagine AP with 20 more pounds of muscle. If I'm an undersized linebacker (cover 2 anyone?), I am peeing my pants watching film.
2. The play at Defensive End. First off, who doesn't like Nick Reed? The Grandmas of guys he has flat out steamrolled during games attest to his manners. He makes Mr. Rogers look mean, and then he drills him from the blindside. There's no way you cannot like this. There is no way a guy his size (6'2, 255... Ding!) should have his numbers. Combine that with Grandpa-in-training Will Tukuafu (I wonder if BYU called to recruit?) and, for their size, you get the best pass rush this side of USC.

Things V Dub Doesn't like:

1. Playing Darron Thomas, and the not playing Darron Thomas. Why burn the 'shirt if he ain't gonna play? Dennid Dixon 2.0 could have done exactly what Masoli did last week, probably with better passing numbers. I don't know what is holding this kid back, but once that is rectified, he is going to be a star in this offense. Roper is not the answer. Masoli is a stopgap. Thomas is the future. You have 2 weeks, Belotti. Get this kid ready, and Thomas can kill ASU.
2. Matt Evansen. Really Matt? You have kicked out of bounds in EVERY game this year, sometimes twice. Once a YEAR is one time too many. Add in 2 missed extra points, 2 blocked field goals and some good old fashioned shanks, and you get a skeleton of last year's Groza semi-finalist. Enough is enough. is Enough (Haha really John McCain? Somehow I don't believe you). More like Enough. Ahh, that's better. But seriously Matt, you look like a pussy kicking that football. Until you get things straightened out, give Josh "Beer Belly" Syria the kickoff duties, and we go for it every fourth down inside the 50.
   
3. Nick Aliotti's Defensive schemes. Teams up 70-0 in the fourth quarter blitz more than you do. I commented on how sweet Reed and Tuk are... they have been putting up numbers in 4-on-7. Wonder why our secondary is getting smoked? You don't BLITZ. QB's have 8,9,10 seconds to throw. I could throw against a zone, or man for that matter, with 8 seconds. Reed could even do that. We have excellent corners. Lockdown. Get them up to the line, bump and run, and blitz. And if the LBs aren't ready for the play action (god damn that play action!) by the time ASU rolls around, I'll seriously be calling for Aliotti's head. I get it. He's Belotti's buddy, and they've had some success together. But any success has been strictly offensive. The reason the Ducks led the country in picks a year ago? When you're up by 48, teams tend to throw more, even when you drop 10 and rush 1. Figure it out, and soon. Blitz, you idiot!
   

Enough Football, except for this: Pacman, what don't you get? Do you even like football? Money? Fame? Maybe you like infamy. Was Jerry not nice enough to you? I don't get it. Oh, and to the guy cutting off his pinky so he wouldn't miss a start? Gross, dude. There is life outside of football, you know. Pacman just enjoys that life too much. Andddd, get a clue brother... you play in DIVISION II!!! I don't think your buddy that plays QB/Punter/DB will mind if you miss a few games.

As I told my buddy Tamahawk earlier, a boo and a hiss to every Rays fan outside of the 300 who have had season tickets since 1998, or the 301 who have had season tickets since 2003. Now the stadium is packed. Now merchandise is flying off the shelves. But what about in 5 years? Will the kid sporting a "Rayhawk" keep it to impress the co-eds at UCF? The guy in the Carl Crawford jersey, how quickly will you put that thing on ebay when he get's moved to sign the 100 million that guy deserves? Of course there will always be bandwagon fans, but more importantly, and hopefully, there will be those willing to criticize them. Still, regardless of shit fans, props to the Rays for slapping the Sox silly.

Sports, Sports, Sports. That's all there is. Girls suck. If a girl ever talks to me like they talk on The Hills, I would just walk away. This has already happened, and will probably happen again. And mad props to Boss Zack for denying a hottie when she told him she was a Cubs fan from the Southside. Man, sports again! But all girls can't really be retarded, can they? Who knows.

Chris Mertz was a "Healer Spec'd Knight Elf Druid" in World of Warcraft. Really? Come on, Chris. I hope no one you know reads this.

Any Asian girls out there? If you are one, and you don't talk like they do on that damn show, hit me up. We've got a lot to talk about.

Finally, this might be my favorite rap line ever (at least this week), courtesy of Tha Weezy:

Safe sex is great sex /Better wear a latex/Cuz you don't want that late text/that "I think I'm late" text.

Brilliant!


V Dub out like the lights in your mom and dad's bedroom.

power to the pee hole by dan dot com

penis' are the worlds leading distributors of male ejaculate worldwide. my most recent urine had a strong, yellow hue; i am slightly dehydrated. i'll work on that. a frothy stream is a healthy stream. number two is overrated, number one is number one and happens more frequently. everyone can assume that reed has a monopoly on going.

Blogs by Reed dot com

Good evening fellow blog lovers. I am speaking to you from a place I like to call home. I am Alex Macks' dildo. I am currently in use, but judging by the moans, soon my time will be up and I will return to the second drawer down in the dresser next to the closet. I have decided that in my free time I will publish this blog. I've got alot wrapped around my little head right now so forgive me if I'm a little scatter brained.

First topic: I am getting a little tired of Alex. I wish I could be with a real woman. Ideally a professional athlete. MMMMMMMMMM. What a babe.

Topic dos: I love mexican food. and latinas.

Third topic, First blog, 2008: fat PC guy > skinny mac douche. I'm a PC and I have a blog.

Topic IV: I got some sweeeeeet new kicks today. I slide right into them perfectly and they have increased my stats 50 points. I am now a level 53. 4 points higher than victor(49). They call me 'The Dominator'.

Topic 5: fifa 09 comes out tomorrow, couldnt be more excited; although i have a lot to do before I can play. 1) math homework 2) watch Netherland vs Norway (go nederballs!) 3) go to class 5) watch the dodgers get spanked and collect my cash money.

Final topic of the night: preliminary X-Mas Wishlist: 1) V.Nistelrooy Real Madrid Blue Away Jersey. 2) LEGO item#: 10179 3) TBA.

Bonus first blog topic: Dan and Chris make me belive in true love all over again. kisses.